of automons and geishas

A couple of posts ago, I wrote about the books I was reading. I ended up liking the mechanical turk best, because it was filled with cool bits of trivia, like how the invention of the hand loom inspired the idea of punch cards, which led to computers. In Europe in the 18 and 19th century, inventors and scientists had to 'show off' in front of kings and queens, to secure funding. (Hmm, sounds familiar.) The best way was to build automons, little machines, somewhat like the toy dogs and dinosaurs stores are trying to hock for christmas. Austrian inventor Kempelen came up with a chess playing machine in six months to win a dare. It played against humans in matches all over Europe, winning and losing, while people tried to figure out its secret. Could it be possible? Other inventors had built machines that could play flutes, drums, etc.

And the secret is: There was a man inside. Sigh. Even though the machinery to operate the turk's hand was complicated, I found it disappointing to learn that it was all an illusion. In the end, the book is as much about the history of magic as it is about science.

forgot to add the bit about geishas cos i was tired. The other book, by kawabata, I didn't enjoy too much. There was too much reading between the lines to do, it wasn't so much pretentious as it was boring (to me). The premise is interesting. Men don't really go to hot spring and snow resorts to ski, but to enjoy the company of women. And these geishas are not the high class sort found in the cities, they are forced to sleep with customers because they are so dependent on travellers passing through. So a geisha is hoping that a man will rescue her, but knows deep down that he won't... the story follows these two people for several years, and it ends abruptly in a fire where the geisha's maid dies. If this was a movie, it would be an art film where you go huh? at the end.

REVIEW | Slaughterhouse-Five

Or the Children's Crusade: A Duty-dance with Death

By Kurt Vonnegut

London: Triad/Panther Books, 1979 print (First published 1970)

What do you do with a book that ends with the question ‘poo-tee-weet?’ If it was any other writer, you might up and chuck the book among your Nick Hornbys and Virginia Andrews’ (assuming you have either). But if it was a Vonnegut - especially after 143 pages of science fiction and biographical World War II mish-mash, and a foreword that in fact warns you about the senseless ending - you might lapse into a quiet thinking silence, let all the things click and then go ‘oh...’.

Slaughterhouse-Five is, in part, a biographical account of Vonnegut’s experience as a soldier and PoW during the Second World War. (‘Slaughterhouse-Five’ is the name of the building in which he was imprisoned for a stretch.) The other parts of the novel, however, have to do with alien abduction, time travel and forced fornication, unexpectedly. His protagonist is Billy Pilgrim, a witless hapless chaplain’s assistant in the war, who finds himself able to time-travel after he is thrown into a Russian prisoner-of-war camp. His imprisonment is thus interjected with trips to the future where he assumes his future self in a state of confusion. At some point, his future self is also abducted by ridiculously-looking aliens called Tralfamodorians that have a hand for a head and suction cups as feet, looking like plumbing tools, and placed in a human zoo on their planet where he is forced to mate with a gorgeous female human. Caught in a war he has no control over and shunned by his fellow prisoners, Billy’s teachers are the ridiculous two-feet-tall Tralfamadorians. They are able to see ALL time and watch the events of their life as one might view a landscape photograph. There is no unfolding, beginning or ending, and that gives the Tralfamadorians a Taoist-like acceptance of all things, which Billy Pilgrim learns and acquires. After each time hop however, he returns to his war-bound misery.

It would be easy to write this off as a B-grade novel. Fortunately I had read Vonnegut enough before to know that satire is his best game. The book ends just after the Allied bombing of Dresden which devastates the city utterly – something that Vonnegut himself witnessed – and not with Billy’s liberation. And you are left to wonder, how real are Billy’s time hops? Or the Tralfamadorians, for that matter? People write about their experiences of war with emotional anecdotes or moralistic narrative; but only Vonnegut manages to use something as exotic as science fiction, and somehow manages to break your heart by the end of the book. And you begin to understand that Slaughterhouse-Five ends the senseless way it does, because the Tralfamadorians, Billy’s time-travelling and, mainly, the war it describes, are simply that - senseless.

Readability – 8

The midnight moon is a ball of coolness

I went to the posh Sun with Moon Japanese Dining & Cafe (yes, that's the official name) today and spotted a little ditty on their ceiling which caused me so much pain that I of course just had to copy it and reproduce it here:

The midnight moon
A ball of coolness
From time to time
The clouds give rest
To the moon-beholders
The water-fowl pecks and shivers
The moon on the waves

BOLLOCKS FROM THE PAST

i had a gathering recently with some of us who have been lucky enough to escape this dull island life for at least the last 4 months. as was normal at such gatherings, reminiscing fondly about the silly things we did in our salad days seemed inevitable. normally, one could see this as an instance of the unbecoming sentimentality that is an unfortunate circumstance of aging. that explanation, however, seems inadequate here. I strongly suspect, that it had rather to do with the curious phenomenon of stupidity becoming an overwhelming motivating factor for all our actions. Thankfully, this dreadful and most disastrous phenomenon is not a common one. and for a very good reason. you see, its occurrence is dependent upon one condition. and this one condition which, on account of its being the only condition, is very important, is also very rare. it requires the gathering of kindred people with disturbing personality traits, a distaste for socially recommended virtues and an innate talent for conducting their personal affairs in the most dysfunctional ways. as you may gather, this takes an inordinate amount of cosmic bad luck.

so, anyway, as we all know, shit does happen. with my brain happily befuddled by stupidity, i reminded the rest that in those angst-filled days of trying to write an honours thesis, we actually engaged in a silly continue-the-story game via email. i also, stupidly and without shame, revealed that i actually printed out all our contributions before my old pc died and karen, against her better senses, suggested that i start typing them out on mirili so we can all have the fun of reading them again. and i have, again under the influence of Stupidity decided to take this ghastly suggestion seriously. so despite my busy schedule (and i'm sure you can tell that i have hardly a free moment to spare by just how succinct this post has been), i have retyped the first instalment of the great story game at great personal cost. i urge you, therefore, to log into our livejournal community blog to read it. somehow, i feel better if it's on cheem than mirili.

of course, if you did not have the sense to skip through that convoluted mess and just read the last part of the post, you may be left to wonder whether the title of the post would not be better modified to 'bollocks from the past (and present)'. sorry, it's just one of those nights when you 're just seized by the need to talk cock.

since wy hates pop ups

we can add comments as new posts instead. just use a title like re: (earlier post)

boliao questionaire no.2

sorry, am downloading stuff and want to be doing something else. since doing other uesful things like much needed housework or getting ready to go to work are not exactly enticing, and taking a pee will only a few minutes, i thought i'd inflict another silly questionaire on you.

1. when you enter a lift, do you press the button on the level you want to get to first or the door close button first (assuming there's no need for the door open button)?

me: door close button


2. what's your stock response when you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of having someone else's baby thrust in your face?

me: oh, s(he)'s got such nice smooth skin. (very safe so far when avoiding telling a lie)

3. when you make yourself a butter and jam sandwich, do you consistently spread the butter or jam side first? if so, which one?

me: gee, it's been awhile since i made myself one of these and do not know if i have an anal pattern for making them. it will be interesing to see if anyone has an answer to this tho'.

4. what's your preferred breakfast beverage in the past when you were a legitimately stupid young punk and now, when you're a dull working adult unconsciously playing out your designated role in propping up the capitalistic system?

me: in the past - gin. had to settle for just smelling its aroma in days when gin and finacial supplies were low. now - coffee with milk and no sugar.

5. are there books which you enjoy reading but are apologetic about reading them for some curious reason or other?

me: the literary works of jean paul sartre - cos we had such a bad experience with his 'being and nothingness'. and because i don't want to be thought of as a stupid pretentious geek.

Comedy 365

hi. let's branch out a little here to include films, music, etc. anyway, i just got myself an ipod nano. it's beautiful. and it's still a little hard to believe i have one cos i'm usually quite backward when it comes to being techy. but the best part is not just how sleek the nano is but access to podcasts! downloaded my 1st episode of Comedy 365 today. it's really quite cool.
let's start some questionaires to keep some semblance of conversation going shall we? sorry, i know the following is quite juvenile-you know the stuff you talk about to make friends in sec school and jc?

but anyway...(let's keep the questionaires to 5 or less qns)

1. when did you get started on fantasy books and which is the first fantasy book that got you interested in the genre?

me: 1987. dragonlance chronicles vol 1: dragons of autumn twilight by weis and hickman.


2. any all-time favourite characters?

me: raistlin (from dragonlance chronicles/legends. i know this is so cliche) and silk (from david eddings' belgariad series. i think he should not have gone on to write the mallorean-it sucks)


3. (well, i know i can count on wy at least for the next question)
which are your favourite david bowie albums and songs?

me: albums - "the man who sold the world" and "ziggy stardust". i also like the more recent "heathen".
songs - "all the madmen", "starman", "letters to hermione", "rubber band", "word on a wing", "wild is the wind"...there are just too many!

4. (and i know i can count on at least 3 people for the next one)
which are your favourite radiohead albums and songs?

me:
albums: "the bends" and "ok computer"
songs: "black star", "the trickster", "high and dry", "exit music", "let down", "my iron lung".

are men necessary?

Taken from the Los Angeles Times: Girls, memorise those keywords! And if you can't giggling always works.

Smarten up, gals! Drop your IQ if you want to score with the male ego.
By Samantha Bonar
Times Staff Writer

November 17, 2005

To be stupid and selfish and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless.
— Gustave Flaubert

*

NEW York Times columnist Maureen Dowd is in town next week to discuss her new book, "Are Men Necessary?," and, ostensibly, to expound on the obvious punch lines the title seems to set up.

Her tome is based on anecdotal experience and cites a couple of studies that arrived at the revelation that men prefer subservient, less-intelligent women as romantic partners. The notion is: Given their druthers, successful men would rather have relationships with secretaries, waitresses and maids.

I wonder how much grant money those academics got. Let us hypothesize that subservient and not-too-bright women are easier to control than someone who knows enough (and has the financial independence) not to put up with a man's garbage.

And why does a man need to control a woman? So that she will not reject and abandon and thus humiliate him. Interestingly enough, the researchers also say that men believe that smart women are more likely to cheat on them. Call it the smart-sneaky connection. There could be something to this, as smart-sneaky men have been cheating on women for eons.

(A confession: I do understand why men fall in love with their maids. I absolutely adore mine — after all, she scrubs my kitchen floor, which seems the height of kindness and generosity. Sometimes she makes me egg rolls too — what could be more lovable?)

Researchers have apparently found that men prefer long-term relationships with subordinates rather than co-workers or supervisors. Women, however, showed no significant preference for socially dominant men, or for socially inferior men. They appear to hanker for their peers — while, sadly, their peers are at Applebee's hitting on the women who bring them their burgers and pies.

I always assumed that alpha men wanted alpha women, that kings wanted queens. Not so. I guess that holds true only for wolves.

In addition, British researchers have recently "discovered" that the higher a woman's IQ, the fewer prospects she has for marriage. (Jane Austen could have told them that.) To be a droll, dry, wry, sarcastic or clever woman is deadly, apparently. (Yes, you may point out the example of Mr. Darcy, who loved Elizabeth Bennet's witty repartee, but I still say he's secretly gay.)

In other words, you can be tall, blond, thin and a former runway model, but that all counts for naught if you are smart and successful and, thus, annoying. I guess everything my mother told me about the male ego is true. This, apparently, is why American men travel to Shanghai, Kiev and Bangkok in search of dates.

I have therefore decided to modify my romantic résumé:



Education: San Diego State

Major: public relations

Minor: stripping

Employment: wait person, Cheesecake Factory (Why? Because I totally love cheesecake!)

Employment goal: Las Vegas showgirl. And a mommy.

Honors and awards: Baby-sitter of the year, Manitowoc, Wis.

Hobbies: I am trying to learn to knit so I can make those big fluffy scarves, but I get so upset when I make knots!



I also have decided to limit my vocabulary to 10 monosyllabic words (not counting contractions and articles):

You

Big

Strong

Yes

Chips

Game

Beer

Man

Want

Great

For example: "Big strong man want beer?" "You want chips?" "You great!"

I will avoid these words like New Orleans:

Me

I

Why

What

Can

Will

No

Never

Stop

Yuck

As in: "Why do you insist on my wearing these sheer red stockings?" "Can I have one of your beers?" "Will you let me know if you are married?"

But for the most part, I plan to not speak. I will alternate between giggling and tittering. I will be vacuous as I vacuum.

The payoff will be a man who loves and wants me. Whoever "me" is. I'm sure he can fill me in on that. Hee hee.

Men, the problem with this dating strategy is that even the most dedicated of doormats will eventually wake up, grow up — or get smart.

some things i left out about goblet

ralph fiennes is superb! he makes a really chilling voldemort. his voice isn't quite the hi-pitched one described in the book tho'. but they really couldn't have got anyone better. somehow, there's a cadeverous look to rf's face which really gives him a very sinister appearance and his acting is flawless.

oh yeah, very strange part in the show. harry finds crouch sr unconscious and goes to dumbledore's office, presumably to inform him but gets distracted by the pensieve. in the movie, i don't remember any follow up on crouch after the pensieve. but it could just be one of my memory lapses.

goblet of fire - the movie

just saw the movie. after the disappointment of azkaban, this is quite abit better. i think people who haven't read the books will find this more coherent than azkaban (had friends complaining they couldn't understand azkaban). there is more humour and less pretense at being arty and the effects are stunning. the acting is pretty good though i really didn't quite like the portrayal of dumbledore. i still prefer richard harris. the new characters: rita skeeter is great! karkaroff - he reminds me of christopher lee in lotr. fleur looks much better on screen than in the pics but she didn't come across too snooty. i like madame maxime too tho i pictured her as smart but less well-dressed (in a feminine way) and tho' formidable, not quite as elegant. victor krum and cedric diggory are perfect matches. madeye moody is good tho i thought he would speak in a quieter rasp . barty crouch sr - well, expected him to come across more uptight but in the movie, tho he is really deadpan, the portrayal comes across as comic. cho chang - well, she does really have quite a cute scottish accent. unfortunately, her face is just too swollen looking for me.

sadly, the movies so far have all failed to deliver a fair approximation of the intensity of suspense and mystery found in the books (and dealt with in most masterly fashion by rowling). so i think most of the fun actually just comes from the special effects, seeing how things in the book are visualised on screen. also, because of the movie medium, they do try to cash in on the things that will keep people at the edge of their seats. so e.g., the werewolf chase scene in azkaban that is not in the book, time taken for which could be better devoted to a longer and more coherent scene in the shrieking shed with lupin and sirius explaining how they became animagi in the first place and revealing they created the marauders' map. you get the same fare in the 4th movie (i shall not provide spoilers). and since they have to condense a really long book into just 1 movie, you can already guess that it's just going to focus on the 3 tasks and very little else. it's still alittle disappointing tho', esp since the triwizard tournement has harry involved without hermy and ron. i think what i find so charming about the books is largely the depiction of school life, the age where you see your friends everyday and you all have the same concerns - studying common subjects, having common enemies, etc. and this has been compromised in the movie, understandably cos the main thing is the triwizard tournement and the battle with voldy. but it's really just one task after another with no episodes save for the yuleball in between.

but it's still much much better than the 3rd and still rather fun to watch. was quite overwhelmed in the first 5 min. couldn't believe i was finally watching the movie! thankfully, all the kiddies in the cinema must have been overwhelmed too cos they were very good audience and all shushed up when movie started.

I'm breaking my promise

to not read for the entire two months. Have been tempted by the smashingly new national library, where librarians prowl to make sure you are not sleeping on their exceedingly comfortable couches.

"Hello, sir, wake up, cannot sleep here...'

Anyhow, I am reading
- pattern recognition by william gibson.
meant to be yet another follow up to neuromancer, it is about a woman who is hyper sensitive to brands, and becomes a valuable market researcher. Funniest bit: Tommy Hilfiger as the ultimate black hole of emptiness, a brand that is so vapid it collapses unto itself.
- the mechanical turk, the true story of the chess playing machine that fooled the world.
Not sure how great this will be, considering I don't have enough brain cells to play chess, but sounds geekishly scandalous.
- Snow country, yasunari kawabata
a work of beauty and strangness, the blurb reads. it is about a geisha and a dilettante, whatever that is. the author won the nobel prize for lit, as you can tell.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire...

...is screening soon! I'm so sorry to get all excited about that but I'm in a modern culture desert here. The poster looks really cool too; they've all got this wind-blown, slightly grimy battle look and Harry Potter looks all grown up now. Erm...but can someone please kindly briefly remind me of what happened in the book?

Chiang Mai is second-hand bookstore heaven!

I don't think i've ever seen so many second-hand bookstores in a single place before. I think you'd all be in heaven here. The selection is absolutely amazing too; I found My Idea of Fun by Will Self which for some reason does not exist in Singapore. The prices are alright too, at 200-300 baht (S$9-13) a book with the refund at 50-75%. It's a good thing we dont have much space in our backpacks, otherwise we'd be lugging around more books than luggage!! Anyone needs any hard-to-find/out-of-print book? I can do a lookaround for you here.

Beerlao and bad humour...

...go very well together.

Well! I had hoped to be more frequent about this, but Hoping never gets anyone anywhere when you're in Laos where the internet connection ranges from 0 to 28.8 kbps.

So here's an update on the what i'm reading thread. It's Terry Pratchett AGAIN...and immediately after Wee Free Men somemore. (I don't know if it's possible to OD on bad humour.) Anyhow, this time it's Small Gods, something I read ages ago and which I liked thoroughly for the fact that the protagonist chosen by the Great God Om is a dimwitted bloke, which goes to show that intelligence is over-rated and blind faith gets you through every time.

The where is Room 202 of Oudomphone Guesthouse 2 in Huay Xai, a miserable one-street town on the Thai-Lao border. You can see the boyfriend reading Wee Free Men in the mirror. And there's all our wet stuff from being caught in the rain in an open boat for two straight days. But this is a bit backdated because we just got to Chiang Rai coz our Laos visa threatened to run out soon.

Libation is of course Beerlao, which tastes suspiciously like Tiger Beer but much cheaper, at US$0.80 per bottle (or US$0.60 if you're Lao). Unfortunately this is also not too accurate because I didnt drink it ALL THE TIME while i was reading the book, which is also a bit unfortunate.